


broken promises, broken heart

by elysianxuxi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Hearts, Cheating, He just wanted love, I Tried, M/M, big sad, literally a broken heart, maybe I’ll add more later, poor soonyoung, pretty short, tags are weird, there’s a funeral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elysianxuxi/pseuds/elysianxuxi
Summary: soonyoung’s had one too many bad relationships, all of them promising the same thing. but when he meets jihoon, his world looks like it’s finally about to change.at least, for the first six months.





	broken promises, broken heart

"I'll be by your side, always."

at least, that was what he had promised. but soonyoung knew well enough by now that promises were meant to be broken.

maybe things were meant to end this way. that's how it seemed to be, anyways, with his heart snapped in two and his happiness dimming lower and lower. what was the point in trying anymore? in putting himself back together? why bother when he was mending his heart to be broken even further?

eventually, the pieces would be small to be put back together.

and yet, when he met jihoon, soonyoung's heart had lit up once again.  
'maybe this time will be different.'  
and for a while, it was. 

in the first six months of their relationship, jihoon was perfect. two college students having the time of their lives being together, creating memories, sharing laughter, and eventually, even tears. soonyoung, after months of slowly warming up to jihoon, finally opened up to him completely. and of course, that went perfectly as well. soonyoung felt himself falling deeper and deeper, and for the first time, he felt like he was finally going to be okay. jihoon would never hurt him.

so even when jihoon had said those same six words,

"i'll be by your side.  
always."

soonyoung believed him.

in the seventh month of their relationship, the cracks began to form. jihoon, soonyoung noticed, seemed to be out more and more often. but of course, soonyoung didn't think anything of it. they were in their last year, and jihoon was always one to end the semesters with a bang. 

in the eighth month of their relationship, soonyoung wondered why jihoon came home smelling like cigarettes and a different person's cologne. but soonyoung knew jihoon had friends that he hung out with often, so he didn't think anything of it. he wasn't one to get in the way of friendships. 

in the ninth month of their relationship, soonyoung was finally able to see the ever-growing cracks in his and jihoon's relationship. with every day that passed, the rift grew even wider, and on the third week, he gathered the courage to say something. it was a rare occasion for jihoon to be home so early during the day, so soonyoung took the opportunity.

"babe," soonyoung started off cautiously.

"hmm?"

"so how are your friends doing?"

he noticed that jihoon wasn't paying attention to him, but jihoon cleared his throat and answered absentmindedly.

"i haven't seen them in a couple weeks, but they're fine." jihoon went back to his phone, not noticing how quickly soonyoung's smiley façade had disappeared. 

'a couple weeks.'

he's been going out almost every single night.

it couldn't be that, right?

in the tenth month of their relationship, soonyoung decided he was going to follow jihoon on one of his outings. surely nothing was going on, right?

right?

soonyoung watched as jihoon put on one of his leather jackets and plastered a smile onto his face as he heard the familiar goodbye. "i'll be back later, love. don’t wait up, okay?" all soonyoung could manage was a small nod as jihoon slipped away.

as soon as he heard jihoon walk out the door, he waited a couple seconds before slipping on his shoes and slowly creeping his way out of the apartment. he could feel the dread slowly taking over what little hope he held that this was all just in his mind. then, as he made his way into the parking lot, he held back a gasp as he saw jihoon hop into a car— but it wasn't just anyone's car, it was seokmin's. his own best friend, picking his boyfriend up from their apartment. hadn't seokmin told him earlier that day that he would be busy this whole weekend? 

he followed seokmin's car, staying far enough from it so that the two wouldn't notice. soonyoung could feel the dread coursing through him like ice as he saw seokmin pull into the parking lot of his apartment building. even as he knew in his heart that something wasn't right, soonyoung refused to believe that anything was going on. he knew neither seokmin nor jihoon would do such a thing. seokmin had been his best friend for years. and jihoon? jihoon had been the one he'd finally opened up to. the one who knew his heart, who knew how fragile it really was. "i'll be by your side," he had promised. jihoon wouldn't break him. he couldn't.

soonyoung watched as seokmin got out of the car, and to his surprise, watched as he walked around it to hold the door for jihoon. he heard jihoon's unforgettable laugh from across the parking lot and the weight he felt pressing onto him only grew heavier. he could only stare helplessly as seokmin pulled jihoon into his apartment, a sweet smile on his face. he watched as the door shut, leaving soonyoung frozen in his seat— or not.

by some form of superhuman strength, he managed to drag himself out of the car and stumble his way over to his best friend's door. he could hear the tv blaring inside, and the muffled laughter and conversation of his best friend and boyfriend. somehow, the tiniest part of his heart was still hoping and praying that this was all just in his head, that it was only a misunderstanding. but the rest of his heart, his mind, his soul knew.

soonyoung knocked on the door once. he heard the laughter quiet down, and the unmistakable sound of his heartbeat, like it was on the verge on bursting through his chest. as seokmin opened the door, soonyoung saw the polite smile on his face shift into a look of barely concealed shock. "s-soonyoung! what brings you here? i thought i told you i'd be busy—" at that, soonyoung gave up on trying to listen to him and walked past seokmin into the apartment. 

he stumbled over to the living room, barely registering the sight that he had already been anticipating. there jihoon stood, hair a mess, a mix of confusion, shock, and guilt on his face. but he said nothing, and so soonyoung turned back to seokmin. 

"whatever the fuck is going on here, tell me. now. and don't bother lying," he added with a cold laugh. "i've had enough lies from the both of you."

jihoon made eye contact with soonyoung again, but all he could see was the guilt. as soon as jihoon opened his mouth soonyoung knew what he was about to say. how couldn't he when he had heard them so many times before?

"soonyoung, baby, it's not what it looks like— i swear i never meant to let it get this far—"

"enough." all three of them could hear the frostiness of soonyoung's tone. "it's written all over your faces. lee jihoon, don't you even dare trying to come back tonight. i'll tell you when you can come and pick up your shit."

soonyoung faced seokmin once again. "and you," soonyoung spoke, inches away from him, "if i see your sorry ass anywhere near me, i hope you prepare for what comes next." and so he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. he got into his car and drove back home, his heart surprisingly still in one piece.

and right when he walked through the door, that was when he broke. 

this, by far, was the last straw.

soonyoung could hear it, he could feel it, he could see it as his own heart shattered into pieces. it felt like he was being stabbed, over and over again in the same spot. and that was when he knew that there was no putting it back together. feeling absolutely shattered, he collpased onto the floor.

before the tears came the painful laughter. "i can’t believe it," he laughed at himself. "how foolish of me to think you were anything different. i'm nothing but a fool."

then came the tears. he was expecting it, welcoming it even. but somehow, it was far worse than anything he had ever felt. soonyoung felt like his heart was tearing itself into pieces over and over again. he was gasping for air as the tears rolled down his face, curling up into himself and wishing that he could just disappear into thin air. he didn’t want this anymore. he didn’t want to be alive. the pain and pressure in his chest grew heavier and heavier until he really, truly, couldn't breathe.

he finally collapsed, unconscious, alone, the tears still fresh on his face.

the next morning, jihoon walked into the house and stopped in his tracks, paralyzed as he saw soonyoung in a heap on the floor. he ran over and crouched down, turning him over.

"soonyoung." he shook soonyoung's body, "wake up."

no response. so he tried again. 

"soonyoung."  
"soonyoung!"

with shaking hands, he slipped his phone from his pocket, dialing 911.

'911, what's your emergency?'

"my boyfr— my— soonyoung— he's unconscious. he's not— he isn't breathing—"

'please calm down, sir. where are you?'

jihoon's voice wavered as he told the operator the address.

'we'll be there as soon as we can, sir.'

— 

but it was too late. 

soonyoung, the doctors told him, couldn't be saved.

they had said he died of a sudden heart attack—  
a broken heart, if you will.

jihoon went numb as he heard the words "broken heart"  
and in that moment, he  
knew that  
all of this  
was  
his fault.

he was the reason why soonyoung was dead.

and so he shut himself off from the world, locked in his room, curled up in bed, not eating, not doing anything, slowly withering away. he felt like he was dying, and yet, he wasn't scared. after all, it was only fair. 

he didn't even move as seokmin let himself into the apartment, just lying there, staring at the wall lifelessly. "jihoon." seokmin spoke to him, his voice soft. you need to get up. eat something, anything, please. it's been weeks."

weeks. jihoon laid there, unable to move, lost in thought.

is this how he felt? when he had his heart broken, over and over and over again?

but in his heart, jihoon knew he wasn't feeling anywhere near what soonyoung had felt, what he had gone through. how could one person withstand so much, go through so much pain, and live?

that was the thing— they couldn't.  
he couldn't.

— 

the day of soonyoung's funeral was gloomy. dark grey skies, the clouds threatening to spill over with rain.

both jihoon and seokmin had gone, staying near the back of the crowd, wanting to go unnoticed. after the funeral was over, jihoon and seokmin were the last ones to leave, but jihoon decided to linger for a little longer. "go home without me," he tried to tell seokmin, but it came out as a barely audible whisper. seokmin just gave him a sad smile and nodded, walking out of the cemetery.

just as he disappeared out of sight, the rain began to fall. it came in heavy sheets, soaking jihoon to the bone, but he could barely feel it. the only thing he could register was the grave in front of him, and even that was a haze. he stood there, numb. for what felt like an eternity. soonyoung was gone. forever.

no rewinds, no apologies, no better choices.

"i'll be by your side. always."

those had been the words he had said to soonyoung as he had opened up to him fully, letting him see everything. his darkness, his light, his every flaw. a promise.

one that jihoon had broken.

one that could never be mended.

and so jihoon stood, all alone in the rain, empty and lost.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to anyone who’s reading this, though i doubt many will <3 i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> twt: jaehyuntrbl  
> cc: heizejaem


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